Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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