i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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