We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
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