What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
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