Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Randomize
