Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
