just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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