He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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