i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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