I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
