im so drunk with asians
where?
always
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
