Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
We need to rekindle our bromance
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
