I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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