i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
