There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
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