I just pynch a tree in the face
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Randomize
