It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
