If that was your dad, he is hot
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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