There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
