no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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