I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Randomize
