note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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