You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I need a beard to bite.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
