we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
