i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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