Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
