im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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