I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
ttyl tear gas
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
