I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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