I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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