The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
my poor anus
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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