This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
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