you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
