Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
