I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
where are you?
Hypothermia
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
