the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
