Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
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