would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
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