Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
