So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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