i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
