ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
