Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
