dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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