so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Actions speak louder than pants.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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