2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
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