New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I AM VODKA MAN
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