Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
he puts the penis in happiness.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
