if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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