just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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