wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
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