There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
