do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
