How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
