i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
