the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize