I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
