Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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