I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Randomize
