I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
We need to get me chipped asap
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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