I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Randomize