She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
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I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
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You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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