Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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