yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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