When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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