Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
