for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize