She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
True strength comes from lack of pants
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
