The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Randomize
