I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
