if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Randomize
