I want to make a zoo with you.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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