I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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