I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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