im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
