I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
So many bounce houses so little time
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
