So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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