Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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