I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
