just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Randomize
