There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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