in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Randomize
